Lie to Me
There are two dead kings that I would have liked to meet. The first is Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, which was truly out of this world when it came to creating and performing music. The other is the King of Rock ‘n Roll, Mr. Elvis Presley, who died just 3 months before I was born. I really don't think that there has been someone who compares to Elvis in his passion when performing. Somehow, he became the protagonist of each song he sang, as if he was living what he was singing. I like that.
There is a particular song of his that at some point struck me and made me go back to listen closely. Presley somberly speaks the following words over the soft and unassuming sound of a guitar:
Honey, you lied when you said you loved me
And I had no cause to doubt you.
But I'd rather go on hearing your lies
Than go on living without you.
Maybe he had just gone through a breakup, or maybe he was just so good at selling his stories; either way, I sense the pain in his words. Elvis made poetry of the truth that many of us experience, namely, that in the midst of so many friends, we often find ourselves lonely. But what caught my attention the most was what he revealed in the line:
"I'd rather go on hearing your lies, than go on living without you"
Really? You would choose a fictitious relationship rather than none? Yep, we often accept lies in place of pain.
It seems that when our need to be loved meets disappointment, many would choose to be cheated and mistreated rather than face life alone. We often prefer to close our eyes and pretend that our reality is not so, in order to avoid the pain of facing it. So denial drives us towards a fictitious reality that only delays our disappointment. And at the end, as truth cannot be avoided, we have only wasted months or years believing lies that eventually crumble.
For many of us, it’s time to stop denying the reality of what is happening around us. We must face it. We must start by identifying our struggles and then identify the lies that we have chosen to believe in order to protect ourselves from the disappointing truth. We have to stop delaying pain by putting on temporary bandages and instead face the wounds in order to heal them properly. This is especially true in relationships.
Struggles and hurt is a normal part of relationships and we can work through it, heal, and stay together. However, some of you might be in an abusive relationship that you can’t seem to leave because you are terrified of being alone. Here’s what it might look like:
Being controlled by your partner with their assertions that you are nothing without them.Being forced to perform sexually at their command.Being controlled or manipulated by the use or denial of sex.Being threatened with physical harm to you or your loved ones if you dare to leave.Being prevented from speaking to others or forming close relationships.Being constantly reminded of mistakes of years past and told that you do not deserve anything.Being blamed or every problem, including your own hurts.Being deprived of personal care.Being hurt physically (being slapped, punched, shoved, shaken, cornered, spit on, or touched/stricken with objects).
If this is you, could it be that it is your fear to be alone that has kept you accepting such abuses? After these actions, your partner might still say the words “I love you,” but love is an action, not a temporary feeling. And when you hear those words, is your response "I'd rather go on hearing your lies, than go on living without you"?
You don’t have to be afraid of life without your abusive partner. What keeps most people in abusive relationships is that fear of taking a step towards the unknown, a world without the abuser. But once you’ve taken that step, life opens up and things don’t seem as scary as they did before. Not only that, you will find healing and a healthier future filled with joy.
The first step?
Talk to a licensed counselor. We are here to walk with you at your pace.