"Things are great!" (but I am not OK) - The Weight of an Always-Connected World
"How's everything going?"
"Things are great!" (but I am not OK)
Just about every day, at least once, someone asks me, "How's everything going?" And just about every day, my answer is, "Things are great!" Now, that may seem obvious, but let me give you some context. I see things in layers. I don't feel obligated to be fine. I think the question through. And, yet, even after I pause and really think about my answer, I still conclude, "Things are great!" I mean, I know that I have a beautiful family. I love my husband, and I'm thankful for my job, etc. So even though in the past month rats have eaten my fuel tank and my son broke his leg and didn't know it (both true stories), my general conclusion is that "Things are great!" So…why am I so sad? Why am I so angry? I'm not depressed. Really, I'm not. But there are moments in every day when I feel irrational anger over something that does not matter. Or I feel overwhelmed with sorrow over something that doesn't even affect my life. Honestly, there can be a lot of answers to this question that are reasonable and valid, but one that we have to keep acknowledging is the price of our always-connected-world.
"I was not created to carry the weight of the world."
Every day, if I choose to be on social media, I am aware of at least one child fighting cancer. I have at least three opportunities to give to a family who has experienced a tragedy. I see 14 families enjoying a warm, Caribbean vacation and calculate how many years it will be until I'm doing the same. I read through fight after fight over differences in morality or politics. Even if I'm not on social media, a megastar basketball player and his daughter die tragically, and I'm swept up into the national grief and mourning. I hear about more soldiers dying overseas. I hurt for the county fighting an epidemic illness (and wonder if I should be wearing a mask). The point is, it's reasonable to think that I was created with the capacity to handle my stress – whether that is small, daily stress and pain or life-altering, devastating grief. But I was not created to carry the weight of the world.
"There are still things that I can be doing every day to tend to my own heart."
1. Take A Step Back.
It may be unrealistic to cut yourself off from news and social media, but let there be a "silent hour." In other words, create space each day to disconnect. In those moments, focus on your sources of strength. For me, that strength and peace comes from my faith and reflecting on scripture. Knowing your sources of strength and peace and being intentional to make time for them is invaluable.
2. Do Something To Help Others (nothing is too small).
Confession time, I have delusions of grandeur about the ways I can save the world and tend to my life also. Choosing to get into the habit of doing one kind thing per day for someone moves grief about the day's news to hope. So, write a note, send an actual birthday card, have coffee with a friend, invite a family over for dinner, pay for the Starbucks order behind you. You get the idea. You will feel the traction of this small daily effort.
3. Look For The Good.
Seriously, even if you think you do this well, you can't do it enough. Negativity in the world is always competing with our efforts to be grateful and positive. So, be intentional about noticing the precious and beautiful things in the world. Whatever you do now, double it!
4. Talk To Someone
If things really are "great", but you are not, talk to someone about it. I think seeing a Counselor is a healthy choice for everyone, but a wise friend is also a good option. Someone outside of our circumstances can always offer a valuable perspective. Just talking and feeling heard lessens the weight.
5. Remind Yourself That Your Not Alone (even when it feels that way)
Remember the upside of a connected world: you're not alone. None of us really are. Our empathy for the struggles of the world is intended to drive us towards healthy connection, but when we forget that the brokenness of things is a collective cause we can lose hope. We carry things for each other that, maybe we were never intended to carry, but it's a good thing to know others are doing it for us too.